When God Created Fathers

15 Jun

by Erma Bombeck

When the good Lord was creating fathers He started with a tall frame.
And a female angel nearby said, “What kind of father is that? If You’re going to make children so close to the ground, why have You put fathers up so high? He won’t be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.”
And God smiled and said, “Yes, but if I make him child-size, whom would children have to look up to?”

And when God made a father’s hands, they were large and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said, “Do You know what You’re doing?” Large hands are clumsy. They can’t manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats.”
And God smiled and said, “I know, but they’re large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day … yet small enough to cup a child’s face in his hands.”

And then God molded long slim legs and broad shoulders.
And the angel nearby had a heart attack. “Boy, this is the end of the week, all right,” she clucked, ” Do You realize You just made a father without a lap?  How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?”
And God smiled and said, “A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle, or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus.”

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. “That’s not fair. Do You honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?”
And God smiled and said. “They’ll work. You’ll see. They’ll support a small child who wants to ‘ride a horse to Banbury Cross,’ or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill.”

God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words, but a firm, authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the Angel and said, “Now are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?”
The angel shuteth up.

~0~

A and Baby Alphonse

(A and Baby Alphonse) 

The true measure of a man’s strength is his love for his children.

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6 Responses to “When God Created Fathers”

  1. odette June 16, 2008 at 4:36 pm #

    i love erma bombeck, but i haven’t read her tribute to fathers before. i am teary-eyed now, as my dad is all that and more to me. thank you for sharing!

    This was new to me too, as I’ve read many times her “Why God created Mothers.” And I love this just as much! ~♥Kittymama

  2. mari June 16, 2008 at 4:57 pm #

    couldn’t agree more. 🙂

    🙂 ~♥Kittymama

  3. FXSmom June 16, 2008 at 9:23 pm #

    Wow…if that quote is true then my hubby is Superman 🙂

    Yay for Supermen Dads! Aren’t we the lucky ones? ~♥Kittymama

  4. A June 16, 2008 at 10:44 pm #

    I love my children for a great many things, but I love them most because they make me think of you. I look at my family, and I see that all is right in the world. 🙂

    *Gasp!* It’s you!

    The first time (ever!) you decide to leave a comment in my blog, and it had to be something to make me cry! I can’t say thank you enough (without making this into some sort of a mushy love note) for being everything you are to me and the children. I love you. ~♥Kittymama

  5. megamomph June 18, 2008 at 8:17 am #

    KittyMama and A – you guys! Go get a room!

    Hehehe… just kidding fellas. I was just about to comment that the photo of A holding Alphonse really says it all. But A’s comment tops that.

    I’m blessed to know both of you as friends, even if from a not so distant past. Reading your lives through blogging has made me a richer person. God Bless You both!

    A nd I had a good chuckle when we read your comment. For old people, we still like PDAs (public displays of affection), ‘no? Good thing we weren’t the reason Pisay came out with a handbook of conduct and discipline after our batch left. 🙂
    Thank you for the friendship, too! Who would have thought that many, many, many years after school, we’d still end up as friends? ~♥Kittymama

  6. hyprsts June 20, 2008 at 9:34 am #

    Ang sweet talaga ni A!!!… I’m so envious 😀 ….For now, I have a lot of “papa-bles” to choose from. hahaha 😀

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