Growing Pains

11 Sep

It must be the season for adolescent angst as I deal with two hormonal young men in my household. While Alphonse grapples with his feelings of jealousy and insecurity, Alex seems to find his way into mischief now more than ever. All weekend long, he and I were constantly bickering, and I suddenly missed the days when my son thought of me as divine and infallible. Nowadays, it seems the first words out of his mouth always begin with a “But.”

By Sunday, I was worn out from all the explaining and discussing, and yes, arguing. I ignored him as long as I could; I didn’t want him to see me lose control. Worse, I didn’t want him to see me cry. I crawled into bed in the middle of the afternoon and slept.

When I woke up, I saw a piece of paper neatly folded by my side table. On it was a poem Alex had written for me. This time, I gave in to my tears.

How the heart weeps and cries,
For such a useless thing
How meaningless can a man die,
When he starts to weep and sigh

On accounting of my deeds
I’ve oft but shown my pride
I say with lack of dignity
“I’ve been all I’ve needed to be!”

“I deserve a right to do
Whatever I may wish
To rampage through lands unknown
To scour the globe with steel and bow!”

“I’ve done what I’ve needed to do!
The time now is to relax and be through!
With useless chores and laborious days
I deserve my break!”

But on reflecting of my crimes
I’ve seen with sorrow and dread
Unknowingly and grudgingly
I caused my own death

My death from times I might’ve enjoyed
If patience I had had
And times I may’ve laughed and smiled
When all I’d done was sigh

And in seeing my attitude
Of how I sit upon a high horse
I scurry down with fearful dread
And change my heart’s ways

“Have pity!” I cry
bending down on knees that creak and groan
“Have mercy, please, I beg of thee
I’ll change now and forevermore.”

This I said with a changing heart
That smiles as it did before
Before, when I was proud and grim
Before, when I was seated on my high horse

I didn’t think adolescence would be this tough and right now, we’re barely at the starting line. The days when my son tests my patience and parental control while he searches for his sense of self, his identity, and his autonomy seem at hand; I dread more days like these. And yet, as long as he continues to dialogue with me- with us- and as long as he expresses his feelings of confusion, anger, remorse in ways like these, I am pretty confident we will weather this teenage storm. I pray. I hope.   

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3 Responses to “Growing Pains”

  1. FXSmom September 11, 2008 at 3:38 am #

    pubert is the worst …ever. I have 3 going through it and my heart weeps for them all the time. It seems so much worse than when I was that age. Sending out hugs for mom. I’m with ya on this one.

    Thanks, FXSmom! I feel your love from here. 🙂
    Yes, I wonder why, but adolescence wasn’t all that hard for me. Of course there was that unrequited love episode, and the confusion over body parts that suddenly sprouted out of nowhere, and… yeah, adolescence is hard. I remember now. 🙂 ~♥Kittymama

  2. manggy September 11, 2008 at 10:12 am #

    I pray and hope too. Don’t worry, at the end of it all, no matter how the path unfolds, he’ll still appreciate everything you’ve done for him. Whether that path unfolds pleasantly or not is still up in the air, but it’ll be a lot easier on all concerned once he realizes that he needs to give as well as he takes 🙂 Your patience will pay off.

    Thanks, Mark. I’m speechless (and touched) but I really appreciate it. 🙂 ~♥Kittymama

  3. leirs September 13, 2008 at 4:15 pm #

    Kakaiyak naman yung poem na yun.. He is a very good writer.. I’m sure you are so proud of the man that he is becoming…

    Thanks, Mare, I know he got this talent from his dad (I’m not much of a poet) and I sure hope he uses it to express himself more as his adolescent issues come to full head. I love my son, no matter what he becomes in the future; I just wish that whatever path he chooses, it is the path that makes who more important than what. ~♥Kittymama

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