I’m chilling out today, relieved at the prospect of having some Me time. It hasn’t been easy juggling one illness after another and coping with Alphonse’s rampaging behavior. Almost everything I own right now is under lock and key or hidden in some unknown crevice of the house where Alphonse is least likely to see it/them. The upside is Alphonse’s search-and-destroy behavior has forced me to be as unkind and as cruel as possible to my ratpack tendencies- if it isn’t needed NOW, it goes to recycling or trash NOW. As such, the house is a little cleaner and a little less cluttered.
Alphonse’s behavior has been difficult these last few weeks. While he is not aggressive or injurious (thank God!), he has this fearsome, awesome ability to turn material things into unrecognizable bits and pieces of metal and wood and what-nots. In the last few weeks, he has destroyed a CD player, a radio, a full-sized secretary’s table, books, a few bags, and a few pieces of clothing. Oops, I forgot to mention, add to that list my eyeglasses- three, in succession. I wear glasses at home and contacts when I go out, but lately, I’ve been confined to using contact lenses alone. My last pair of eyeglasses is somewhere in the vast black hole of hidden things, to be pulled out only in times when my eyes are not feeling too well. I’m thinking of finally getting refractive eye surgery as a result. The older I get, the more inconvenient contact lenses or eyeglasses appear to be to me, especially with Alphonse around.
I know that something has gone wrong in the balance in our home and it affects Alphonse in these ways; I just can’t pinpoint what. He gets overstimulated and overexcited, and then crashes emotionally and becomes afraid and agitated. Is it because he has a new teacher and new lessons to deal with? Has illness, which has struck us one after another, affected his life’s calming predictability? I feel him groping for a sense of understanding of the things around him. I see him often befuddled and confused. He hasn’t been sleeping well too. As much as we try to set him up for success, it hasn’t always worked out that way. When he fails, he fails miserably, and he knows it and it disappoints him tremendously.
Ahh, these are the days that try our patience. I’m just glad that this week is finally over.