Yoohoo! Anyone still there? I’m back!!!
I’ve a few stories and pictures to share with you of the time I was absent from this page but for now, allow me to catch my breath and take in some time to get myself together again. There are tons of stuff to do. The house my husband and I left in moderately pristine condition now needs a major clean-up. There’s a pile of laundry left over from the trip, additional wash to our daily load. The cupboards are almost empty; I have made a mental note to schedule another run to the grocery sometime soon. And I still have to do some detective work, trying to find things that have been misplaced in my short absence (like the television remote control and a shoe from the pair of Alex’s school shoes). Wait, is there now a black hole in this house?
It would’ve been easy if all I were dealing with is manual labor. Housework is easy, compared to the rest. I still feel really guilty about having left my boys while they were sick and even as I left them in extremely good hands, it didn’t diminish my worry or my guilt in any way. Both my boys are still recovering, with antibiotics to be given a few more days and thrice-daily nebulizations to help them breathe better. Yet, were it just physical illness, that too, would not be half as bad.
The one who suffered the most in our absence is Alphonse. He has been having meltdowns more often these days. He’s depressed and angry. He’s back to his old tricks- upending things and smashing them, pulling hair, grabbing shirts, kicking, and there have even been some biting. We’ve been able to redirect his anger most of the time but it’s hard, hard work that drains everyone of strength and good cheer. Sometimes, he seems to forget who we are as his anger consumes him. Alex has a bite wound on his left chest from Sunday night, the result of trying to restrain his brother from doing more damage to the house while we were gone. 😦
It seems like we’re finally experiencing the real effects of all his illnesses, compounded by the absence of a rigid schedule during the holidays. It could not have helped that this last trip coincided with another bout of sickness. He’s angry, uncertain, and perhaps, a little afraid at the sudden unpredictability of his normally routine life. It’s hard to look at him without feeling anguish as he grapples and fights with us. He’s slipping away again.
In the meantime, while I still wrestle with my guilt, I must look forward to the work of making Alphonse whole again. It’s the only way to stay sane in this rollercoaster ride.