Love In Slow Motion

14 Feb

(Alphonse has just gone to bed. This post is a little late for the occasion, but as we are still a few hours from the end of the day, consider this my Valentine Day’s post.)

I wore a ratty old nightgown to bed last night, Valentine’s Day being farthest from my mind. A and I were both exhausted from the weekend of keeping Alphonse in good humor and failing miserably many, many times. At ten in the evening, Alphonse fell asleep on a mattress on the floor.  We heaved a sigh of relief that we survived another long day. Tired as I was, my mind was overwrought and could not find easy sleep. Almost midnight, as I was finally drifting between semiconsciousness and the last few pages of a Harry Potter book, Alphonse awakened and got into bed with us . What surprised me was his tight embrace, as he burrowed his face deep within the crook of my neck. I kissed him gently as I eased him into his pillow, all the while controlling the urge to start crying again. This unexpected embrace- this sudden expression of love and trust and need- this  was my son speaking without words- the anger, violence, and aggression temporarily forgotten.

Half past midnight, as I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks, a hand reached out for me in the darkness. I felt a warm embrace. A soft kiss brushed my lips, as my husband pushed a small silk envelope into the palm of my hand.  This morning, with my eyes still gummed from sleep, I almost tripped as I made my way to the bathroom. On the floor were three boxes. And on each box was a note. One of them brought more tears to my eyes, washing away the last vestiges of sleep.

Dearest P,

I know things haven’t been gone well for us- and especially for you lately, but if there’s anyone who can lift us up and guide us out of our plight, it’s you. You’re strong, resolute, persevering. In short, you’re you. And you’re my Valentine. Always and forever.

A

It’s not easy to find joy when life hits us hard like this. But I remain grateful that each day brings me new reminders of how we are loved. It is this love that holds us together when we are stuck in vicious circles of pain and loneliness. It is a love that survives the frustration and hopelessness of miserable days. It is a love that moves our world in slow motion, forever mindful that peace and joy are such fragile, fleeting gifts.

This is the miracle of my life- that no matter how far I stray from Him, no matter how deep my despair goes into the pit of darkness, He sends me Love when I need it most.

He sent me A.

While we wait for the sun to shine in our lives again,

I hold on to the best parts of my life

My hope and faith renewed

For with you by my side

We can conquer the pain

And welcome the rain

That pours like a sea

Washing away

All memory   

of strife and tears

I hold on to you 

And you cling to me

Together, still strong,

I am redeemed.

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5 Responses to “Love In Slow Motion”

  1. Pinay Megamom February 14, 2011 at 11:33 pm #

    Beautiful, P… Happy VDay to you and A. Your message is so full of hope and optimism. I continue to pray for God’s grace to be upon you. You will see – He will carry you through. The notes fromA were just one of His gentle reminders that yes, He loves you very much!

  2. Pinay Megamom February 14, 2011 at 11:35 pm #

    Oh, and I’ve said this once before – get a room! hahaha 🙂

  3. Lyra February 15, 2011 at 3:13 am #

    Shower of Love to both of you. Happy Valentine.

  4. maniladawg February 15, 2011 at 6:32 am #

    Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
    — Corinthians 13:7-8

    Happy Valentine’s Day to you & A.

    Glenn

  5. geri February 17, 2011 at 6:03 am #

    got misty eyed over this. Beautiful post!

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