Change

26 Apr

I thought I would get spring cleaning done in time for two of the nannies’ vacation. We had been cleaning without let-up these last few weeks, getting rid of junk and broken stuff that were rotting in the other house, reorganizing cabinets and storage shelves, and clearing up leftover debris from the rampages (all thrown in there somewhere, in basins and baskets and what-have-you’s). There are still lots to be done, but until I could get more stuff to recycling and sell the rest in a garage sale, I am stuck with massive space-occupying… junk.

Last week’s unwelcome surprise blindsided us and put a temporary halt to the cleaning frenzy. One of the two nannies who were staying behind informed us that she was leaving too, in her case, for good. I had asked her if it would be possible to postpone her departure to her cousins’ return in three weeks but she and her family were adamant that she leave immediately. Truth is, I would not have minded the least if she had given us enough notice to find a replacement. As it is, I am finding reintegrating myself into Alphonse’s life still hard and filled with errors that cause him more anxiety and yes, sometimes, aggression.

With the knowledge that we will be shorthanded this week, I dropped off the cleaning in the other house and started organizing to facilitate chores and schedules for the household. I inventoried the pantry for supplies and replenished stocks that were low. I also started making easy-to-cook frozen meals in advance. A few days ago, I made four kilos of sirloin hamburger patties; yesterday, I made eight rolls of meatloaf.  Tomorrow, it would be pans of easy baked pasta. I also concentrated on a more  thorough cleaning of our living spaces. I have to make sure that chores are easy because everything comes secondary to Alphonse’s needs. With two nannies left, I could have attended to cooking, laundry, and cleaning without worrying too much about Alphonse. With just one, I am suddenly a divided force.

Then on Monday morning, as soon as A left for work, we got the biggest surprise when the nanny upped and left without even a goodbye. I wonder why she did that when we knew she was leaving anyway. She had been acting reticent and withdrawn a few days
before and I just ignored it. But she left suddenly, burning our bridges forever.  I had thought I would get a few more days headstart, but she threw the monkey wrench into my plans. Boo.

I think in many ways, Alphonse takes after me. I like predictability. I like knowing what happens next and often wish the future was as easy was peeking at the last few pages of a book. It’s obvious then that I am not, and would never be, a big fan of Change. But I accept the inevitability of its coming so the changes that will come in the next few weeks are all going to be met with a lot of false bravado and stoic resignation. I worry about how Alphonse will take the disappearance of the key persons in his life much more than I do everything else. Like everything else, however, this would be another test of faith.

Pray for us, please, as Alphonse suddenly finds his world smaller. I hope I am able to give him the love he needs to cope with the coming changes. And forgive me too, if this blog suddenly gets thrown in the background of our lives. I’ll try to write as often as I can, but know, just know, that we are coping and doing what needs to be done for now.

Living.

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One Response to “Change”

  1. NinJas! April 26, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    what? she left???? yesterday?????

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