“Your mind is like this water my friend, when it get’s agitated it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle the answer becomes clear.”~Master Oogway
The house is suddenly quiet. I am unused to the silence. Today, while A is out doing chores and Alex and Alphonse are both busy (Alex is on his last day of Ateneo’s OrSem), I am alone. It seems ages since I have had the house to myself and it just feels too eerily quiet- too alone- for me, after all the chaos of these past months.
With the school year starting in full gear next week and the boys all off to their own activities, I will have many days of being alone in the house. I should be grateful, I know, for this period of calm and peace after the tempest in our lives. It has taken more than six months of our lives to reach this point. I am disappointed that we are still nowhere near where we were last year but we all have made a lot of progress, Alphonse, most importantly. We’re not quite normal yet, but we continue to pray and hope for the best. Then again, perhaps this is our “new” normal and we just need to make the best of it.
The truth is I am exhausted. The last six months have taken their terrible toll on me. I was anxious and afraid, fearful of many things. I lived in a world of worry and even sleep was not a respite. I was tapped empty of words as grief and fear wormed their way into my spirit. I checked this blog every now and then and I was heartened that people still come and visit. And while there have been many moments I could have blogged and written about things that went on in the last few weeks, the inertia to remain in blog stupor was simply too great. Grief can really be a hard thing to share.
This morning, however, with the house to myself, I was suddenly seized with this urge to reach out to the world. It feels like a fog is being lifted off my mind. More important than the silence that envelopes this almost empty house is the silence I feel in my heart. By the grace of God, I am finally at peace.
So, as promised, I am back. There are stories to tell but they will keep for tomorrow. I have a lot of “inner peace” catching up to do today.”:-)