I have only two resolutions for 2016 and on the eighth day of this new year, I realized I’ve already managed to break them both.
The first one was to write more. I’ve been putting off writing for a while now. When my PC’s hard drive died on me at end of the year, I figured I had gotten off easy with fulfilling my first resolution. I shushed the voice inside my head that nagged at me (“But don’t you have a laptop? And an iPad?”) and pretended that the death of my PC was the most compelling reason not to write. The truth is, it isn’t for lack of anything to say. In the last few months, writing- the physical act- has become more difficult. I can’t hold a pen firmly and my handwriting, once the stuff teachers raved about, has become illegible. Even typing is hard, as my fingers lack the strength and the feedback it once had. All I feel now is a lot of achy pins and needles in my hands.
Fortunately, while fine motor movements are difficult, gross movements can still keep me busy. I can cook and bake, but my knife skills are shot. I can still whip up a mean cake, but I can’t ice it. I can hold a doll, but I can’t brush her hair or dress her up in her fine little clothes. I can only look at my little Sylvanian toys now so I play video games more; smashing buttons is easy. Little things that I took for granted are once again the bane of my existence. Heck, I can’t button my clothes or hook my bra! Even typing these last two paragraphs have taken longer than usual as I now need to look at the keyboard more often to see if I am hitting the right keys. My fingers feel thick all the time.
I don’t know what caused this but I have a nagging thought that my neck, stiff and unyielding again, is related to it. (I’m also keeping a close eye on my blood sugar levels, promise!) So while I muster the nerve to show up at my orthopedist’s office, I will have to manage this the way I did seven years ago- through sheer grit. Wish me luck I can squiggle my way through this.
My other resolution was to walk more. I’ve been taking daily walks with Alphonse since the start of the year, nothing big, just short walks around the neighborhood. The plan was to walk slowly and build up my momentum so I can go back to longer distances. Somewhere at the back of my head, I thought that maybe I can even manage to learn how to ride a bicycle. (Unless my husband caves in and buys me a three-wheeled bike! Please, A?) But in the last two days, Alphonse has had other things in his mind except walking and we’ve been stuck inside the house. Resolution two broken before it even got off the ground.
The good news is that there are still 358 days left in the year, time enough to restart and get a do-over. Also, there’s another New Year coming up in about a month, so if this New Year isn’t enough to galvanize me into action, maybe a second one would finally give me the shove, errhm, push I need.
So here’s to the New Year, dear friends! May it be kinder than the year that passed and may God bless us all!
“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” ~Buddha